Tuesday, December 26, 2006

My Apology

I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say.
I'm sorry, but there are no other rooms available tonight.
I’m sorry, but PHP sucks!
I’m sorry, but BitTorrent is still a den of thieves
I'm sorry, but this is impossible.

I'm sorry, but I'm skeptical that they care about the team,
I'm sorry, but I don't know where to put this
I'm sorry, but the world's still round

I'm sorry, but I really sort of like this picture...
I'm sorry, but this toolset destroys creativity
I'm sorry, but no
I'm sorry, but you just can’t come up with polls saying people care

I'm sorry, but I HATE these things

I'm sorry, but we're not going to win the World Cup

I'm sorry, but we don't accept cash here

I'm sorry, but this is too disturbing to me

I'm sorry, but huh?

I'm sorry, but you're not doing it for me.

I'm sorry..........but I'm lovin' Gran Paradiso 3.01
I'm sorry - but this chick is a complete idiot.

I'm sorry, but...I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, but I can not understand the point

I’m sorry, but am I the only one who still believes that every squirrel sperm is sacred?

I'm sorry, but Isn't HyperNews a bit difficult to install?

I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
I'm sorry, but we can't watch the rest of MacBeth until it is censored
I'm sorry, but this is a laughable idea.
I'm sorry, but I'm getting tired of this statement
I'm sorry, but you cannot expect me to resist something that is described as having "luminous natural shells in cascading tiers" so just save your breath ...
I'm sorry, but you are being a sap...
I'm sorry, but you're a retard.
I'm sorry, but it was funny.

I'm sorry, but I don't speak Whinese.
I'm sorry, but we shouldn’t make Rooney apologise if he’s not sorry
I'm sorry, but you are wrong.
I'm sorry, but I dig Dvorak
I'm sorry, But That's REALLY Pathetic.
I'm sorry, but that last item on bin Laden was just so unfair
I'm sorry, but that is simply not correct....
I'm sorry, but this game is terrible. -

I'm sorry, but i find this disgusting.

I'm sorry I Haven't Got A Clue
I'm sorry, Goalie, But You Are Screwed
I'm sorry, but please don't bring Katie back
I'm sorry, but you go ahead... ...and alert the fashion police.
I'm sorry, but even the small things matter.
I'm sorry, but I had to make this point

I'm sorry, but I need your help in one more thing
Fuck me. I'm sorry, but fuck me.
Also, I'm sorry -- but she has the *greatest* voice

I'm sorry, but I'm still delirious
I'm sorry, but Please, Blame Feedburner

I'm sorry, But You Are Mistaken.
I'm sorry, but in a discussion like this, I think it is important for us to be correct

Ok I'm sorry, but I have tried everything.

Margo I'm sorry, but that is just twaddle.
I'm really sorry to have to say this but ...

I'm sorry, but I can't keep it a secret any longer.
I'm sorry, but this is just baloney

[the search]

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Poem - don't want to talk

Here's my new Google poem, culled from this search:

don't want to talk

I don't want to talk about her to my family or friends.

I don't want to talk about the weather, I don't follow sports, I don't know anything about cars and very little about computers.

I don't want to talk about:

  • that book;
  • guy on guy rape;
  • the trial;
  • McDonald;
  • the law;
  • the Beach House;
  • the federal leadership;
  • something I don't know;
  • my family;
  • the way it used to be...

Actually, I don't want to talk about the BBC issue again.

I don't want to talk about HailStorm because I think there's tremendous confusion about what the world thinks it is.

I don't want to talk about the wall that's being built, and I don't want to talk about the latest suicide bombing .

I don't want to talk about me. People should care about the technology, not the people behind it.

I don't want to talk about work, I am on vacation.

I don't want to talk about James Frey Anymore. And after this, I don't think I'm going to.

I don't want to talk about:

  • my weekend;
  • Knitting;
  • the rain;
  • public policy;
  • things I'm unsure of;
  • Greg Leaving Wonder Woman;

I don't want to talk about tractors either.

...there are actually a whole lot of things that I don't want to talk about...

I don't want to talk about:

  • a buyout;
  • houses and 401Ks;
  • fishing;
  • my experience as a unique thing;
  • love;
  • Monica Lewinsky;
  • oil;
  • Sin!

I don't want to talk about the good. If it ain't about this team winning, I don't want to discuss it.

No, I don't want to talk about that. It's not worth talking about.

I don't want to talk about individual cases. I don't think that would be right.

I don't want to talk about this with my Mom.

There are just some things in my private life that I don't want to talk about - like other people whom I've worked with and whether I liked them or not.

I don't want to talk about the war forever but I just have one thing to say...

I don't want to talk about it.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Major Discovery at Spins'n'Needles!

You know I love making things and I love a groovy beat, so Spins'n'Needles is my kind of fun. This month it was especially crowded. Maybe because it got Make'd this week.

They gave us clocks to decorate and I set to turning mine into a representation of the Vendetta II on a 60-second circular orbit of a small planetoid.

Between my difficulties getting an even coat of paint and all the people there, it wasn't until the end that I looked up and saw someone I've not seen since the hurricane.

"Aggie!" I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Hi, Dwarfie." She waved and held up the clock she'd been working on.

"I thought you were dead! Where have you been?"

"I don't remember," she said.

And that's all she could tell me. She's back, but there's a big amnesiac gap in her memory.

Her clock doesn't work. She likes it that way.

Mine works, but I had to take it apart and clean out paint that got into the mechanism.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Check it OUt: I'm a mIxed caSe PoEt

It occurred to me this afternoon that "let's assume that i agree" would be a good line for a song. So I googled it to see if some hack in Nashville had beaten me to it. Looks like, no. And google had so many great things to go with the sentence that I cut and pasted them into this lyric. Now I just need a tune.

let's assume

let's assume that i agree
with that, too
with everything Jesus said
that there ought to be a privilege

let's assume that i agree
with you on that point
with your idea
that GOD was a concept developed to ward off EVIL
with the idea of installing a benevolent dictatorship -- lead by me
with the statement that drunken consent is not consent.

For a moment, let's assume that I agree with Ashcroft
with You
to... this
with The definition of Capability

let's assume that i agree
with you On that point

For the sake of argument, let's assume that I agree with or I understand the reasoning

let's assume that i agree
We Are spending too much on defense, which I don't.

But okay, let's assume that I agree with you
that happiness really is from God

Then -- let's assume that I agree to all this
with you completely
to this charade

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Is it really over?

time for a break, or a change of scene
I had my first internet dream last night. I'd opened the Fifth Muse's blog and above her Well, it is time for a break posting, there was a new posting. It was completely different from her previous postings because it had buttons to download podcasts.

The podcasts were recordings of her and R. The first one ran 90 seconds and it became clear as it played that it was R and 5M at marriage class. I could hear Father Joe in the background using his charismatic inflections, while 5M muttered "I can't take it, I'm going to kill him" and R whispered "just a few more minutes, let it go a few more minutes and we're out of here."

Then I woke up. After I turned on the computer, I opened IE (6.0 with a screen res of 1280x1024 on a Rogers connection for those of you who check on those things) and saw that it really had been only a dream. She has "other more important things to do."

Which isn't such a big surprise. She's been infrequent with the postings lately. Engaged bliss appears to be as bad for blogging as it is for situation comedies.

As for the bile, of course there's the whole internet anonymity thing that seems to let us be rude to each other.

Given that 5M was open to having her blog gain a wider following, or move it to some other published form, I've often wondered how she could be so free with writing that is strongly based on the reality of her life.

Philip Roth's protagonist, Nathan Zuckerman, seems to be Roth's alter-ego. Zuckerman encounters enormous hostility from relatives and former friends who feel they have been cruelly or even anti-semitically portrayed in his books. I've always assumed that Roth was writing from experience, and marvelled that this hostility didn't stop him dead in his tracks.

I know an author who has written some novels and short stories that are based completely on her real life. Some of the characters do not come out sympathetically. (She is fair enough that it sometimes includes her protagonist.) I asked her once how the reaction of the people she writes about affects her.

"It gives me pause," she replied, "I'm not sure I can do it any more." Since then, she has switched to pure fiction and seems to be doing well with it.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

5M - the Movie

The rumours are true!

An all sock-puppet version of the story of 5M and R is in production. An inside source at the studio sent me this advance artwork of the poster.

Exactly which celebrities have been signed to do voices is cloaked in secrecy. However, Ed the Sock has refused to deny rumours that he will be playing "the Dude".

Monday, April 03, 2006

No Ring for the Princess?

Sad news for the Muse today. ["The Importance of Bling"]

Does anyone have R's address? Perhaps we should chip in and get UPS to deliver him a Princess Diana (only $60US). Or would we need her ring size?

There's nothing wrong with cubic zirconia!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Not much to say

The noisy officemate looked promising. Father Joe might still come through on the marriage classes. But the only thing that I've been able to think about is that blue lingerie from Mom for the wedding night.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

A May Wedding

Father Joe: Of course all married couples that can have children should have children
It's taken everything I have to hold off on posting. Surely, I thought, if any news would bring Aggie and Conchie out of their shells (ha! get it?) it would be the news of Musie's pending nuptials. Alas, the lasses simply won't be drawn out.

Of course, we've all been wondering, what's going on? What is it that she's not been talking about? Will it be the sort of news that means her blog will become boring and uninteresting, or news that means we'll be back on track with the classic life of a single girl muddling through?

I say we're back on track! Some might think that this engagement means that the 5th Muse has finally jumped the shark. After all, marriage has ruined many fine sitcoms and dramas. I believe this engagement will breathe new life into the franchise. Here is why:
  • The engagement news has not quashed the pregnancy rumour, only given it more fire.
  • 5M says they are getting married at Holy Sacrament in the Glebe. There is no Holy Sacrament in the Glebe. But there is a Blessed Sacrament. Is it possible that 5M will be getting lessons in married life from Father Joe? Exciting possibilities here!
  • R -- as far as we know he still has a wandering eye and an unsupportive spirit.
  • There's a new passive-aggressive colleague in her office.
  • If she'll meet with her long ago ex "S", surely she'll also be having interactions with "M" before the wedding.
On an unrelated topic...

Could this be the lost blue bird?Do you remember 5M's sorrow when she unthinkingly opened her bird cage facing the wrong way and her little blue bird flew away? Of course, along with 5M, we all assumed the bird must have died. But perhaps not.

p.s. Hope you've all got your tickets for the Vagina Monologues

Monday, January 30, 2006

Recycled Suit

Not an empty suit

On February 4th, they're going to toss a spacesuit loaded with a radio transmitter out the airlock of the International Space Station to create a new satellite. [link]

It will float in space broadcasting a signal that ham radio operators will be able to receive with cute little surprise messages. Until its orbit decays in about six weeks and it burns up in the atmosphere.

Meanwhile underprivileged astronaut students can't afford their own spacesuits and there they are throwing them away up there so radio nerds can get their jollies. It makes me sad.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

2 Points to 5M

Our friend the 5M is not usually known for subtlety, but we have to credit her this week with drawing the Coyote out of his lair.

All she had to say was "Poets have also seemed particularly pretentious to me, so that I don't want to count myself among them..." [link] and our furry friend hopped out like one of those bunnies he always talks about with two comments that illustrated her point.

Another point to this Kyle fellow for his assist with the gratuitous slap at rhymers.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

3 Tips from Life Coach Jackie Black

Friends, I've been at a loss. What to say about that dastard R? With his wandering eye and unsupportive ways.

But today in my inbox, it's a new issue of Coaching Compass with these tips on love from Jackie Black. (Not to be confused with actor Jack Black.)

Here are 3 Simple and Loving Behaviors to remember and use:

  1. Listen with your heart.
  2. Tell your partner that he or she matters to you and that his or her feelings are important to you.
  3. Ask if there is anything you can do or say right now that would be helpful.

Believe that your presence and your caring go a long way to soothe hurt and upset hearts.

Take a deep breath. Remind yourself to stay in the moment with the feeling(s). Trust that the 3 Simple and Loving Behaviors are enough!

Did you get that, R? Are you paying attention? Smarten up!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Bad Doggy!

Don't leave your wallet out or it'll be anchovy pizzasNow, now, Coyote, there's poor Musie sleeping alone pining for companionship and you go suggesting that cats are better for eating.

Why just last week a cat named Tommy in Columbus, Ohio called 911 when his owner fell out of his wheelchair. [story]

On top of that, some of 5Ms old regulars had started to come back thinking the ESIs were all dead.

But why is 5M sleeping alone? Are she and R on a break over this business of him being aware of other women and having conversations with them? Or is she trying to reduce her dependency on the bloke?