These two horses are talking to each other about feed. "For stamina, I really like oats."
"For my part," says the second horse, "I like alfalfa for a burst of speed in the home stretch."
Before the first horse can reply, a dog pipes up from a corner of the stable, "hey, have either of you guys tried beef?"
The first horse turns to the second horse with big wide eyes. "How about that, a talking dog!"
This guy is wandering around town when he sees a pet store with a sign in the window that says "Talking Dog $10". He goes in and asks, "what's this about a talking dog?"
The owner points at a big yellow dog by the counter and before he can say anything the dog starts."That's me, I'm the talking dog. Please buy me. This guy never feeds me, doesn't even give me water and I used to be the most famous trick dog in America. I performed before kings and queens. For a while I worked for the CIA and was awarded medals from the President. You've got to take me away from this store!"
"Wow," says the guy, "this dog really can talk. How come you're selling him for ten dollars?"
The owner looks up and says, "I'm tired of all his lies."
This guy goes into the circus owner's office with his dog. "Have I got an act for you."
"Look, pal," says the circus owner, "I see a lot of lame acts and I ain't got time to see another."
"No, really," says the guy, "I've got a talking dog."
The circus owner rolls his eyes, but the guy carries on. "Rover, what's on top of a house?"
"Roof" goes the dog.
"Oh come on," says the circus owner.
"No, no, watch," says the guy, "what's on the side of a tree?"
"Bark" goes the dog.
"You've got one more chance," says the circus owner.
"Rover, who's the greatest baseball player who ever lived?"
"Ruth" goes the dog.
Two minutes later the guy is out sitting on the curb with his head in his hands. The dog comes up to him, licks his face and says, "DiMaggio?"