Is she being meta-ironic?

Back on Thursday, 5M suggested that Nice Guys:

...never put themselves down, as though fishing for reassurance and putting you down at the same time,...

Saturday, she told us:

The Dwarf always seemed to see me as particularly dreary, whereas most people who know me in person seem to find me funny.

She also gave us a quote from Linda Hutcheon on the use of irony. (The quote uses expressions that I find dreary, like "discourse" and "dominant tradition".) It also seems to be saying that "saying one thing and meaning another" is a "simple sense" of irony.

In my world, "saying one thing and meaning another" is sarcasm. It's something I do so much that when I compliment someone they often look at me with narrowed eyes and I have to say, "no, no, I mean it! I really do think it's terrific." On the internet, I've wound up in bizarre fights because I've jokingly said something and the receiver took me seriously. (Ask me about my encounter with the Skipper of the Pirate School some day.)

So... I am about to say a series of things that are what I mean to say. Not sarcastic, ironic or facetious:

• There have been a number of times that I thought 5M was speaking seriously when she was "joking". Notably, I didn't get it that she thought the Pool Guy was being funny when he told her she might catch a cold going out with wet hair on a hot day. I believe it's because her reply to him didn't play with his irony, but contradicted it. The rest of the ESIs had the same misconception as I did.
  
• When someone puts themself down to seek reassurance, I think they should be encouraged to not put themself down. I also think they should be reassured. And if I'm in a relationship with them, I try to think about what I'm doing that they don't feel reassured enough. If they put me down while they're doing it, it's certainly something I'll note. Perhaps confront them on it.
  
• I've never thought the 5M is dreary. I think the person described in her blog is unhappy more often than a person should be unhappy. The person she describes as an ideal partner is not realistic, but she's demonstrated that she'll spend time with someone who is far from ideal. And that she's open to new experiences.
  
• How could you describe a woman who tells you about meeting a man and wanting to jump him as dreary?