Just for Coyote

My top 3 Talking Dog jokes:

Number 3:

These two horses are talking to each other about feed. "For stamina, I really like oats."

"For my part," says the second horse, "I like alfalfa for a burst of speed in the home stretch."

Before the first horse can reply, a dog pipes up from a corner of the stable, "hey, have either of you guys tried beef?"

The first horse turns to the second horse with big wide eyes. "How about that, a talking dog!"

Number 2:

This guy is wandering around town when he sees a pet store with a sign in the window that says "Talking Dog $10". He goes in and asks, "what's this about a talking dog?"

The owner points at a big yellow dog by the counter and before he can say anything the dog starts."That's me, I'm the talking dog. Please buy me. This guy never feeds me, doesn't even give me water and I used to be the most famous trick dog in America. I performed before kings and queens. For a while I worked for the CIA and was awarded medals from the President. You've got to take me away from this store!"

"Wow," says the guy, "this dog really can talk. How come you're selling him for ten dollars?"

The owner looks up and says, "I'm tired of all his lies."

Number 1:

This guy goes into the circus owner's office with his dog. "Have I got an act for you."

"Look, pal," says the circus owner, "I see a lot of lame acts and I ain't got time to see another."

"No, really," says the guy, "I've got a talking dog."

The circus owner rolls his eyes, but the guy carries on. "Rover, what's on top of a house?"

"Roof" goes the dog.

"Oh come on," says the circus owner.

"No, no, watch," says the guy, "what's on the side of a tree?"

"Bark" goes the dog.

"You've got one more chance," says the circus owner.

"Rover, who's the greatest baseball player who ever lived?"

"Ruth" goes the dog.

Two minutes later the guy is out sitting on the curb with his head in his hands. The dog comes up to him, licks his face and says, "DiMaggio?"

Why I won't be blogging next weekend

It looks like my ship is coming in

My Favourite ESI Posts

My favourite postings of the Chair:

• The story of M Bonus comment from: The Independent Alvina Ruprecht Observer
• Dorothy and Judy Fine scholarship, well illustrated
• Top 6 reasons why the 5M hasn't posted of late By J.P. Sartre The Chair at his urbane wittiest
• 5M, where are you? Great photoshop wit
• Of Heisenberg and 5M's behaviour One of the Chair's most influential pieces
• Hard Wired for the Artist The Chair puts all that TV viewing to use for an insightful piece

My favourite postings of Agatha:

• Sultry... Aggie bringing the blog back on track with some good research and a fine illustration
• Six Reasons to Love an Asexual Once again, Agatha raises the bar for standards of scholarship on the metablog
• Birthday gifts for the 5M Even if she'd made no other contribution, the image of Coyote with the 5M alone is enough to justify Aggie's presence on the metablog
• Music for the 5M A good example of how metabloggers can engage with their blogger subject even when the subject is away and not descend into self-referential wanking
• Omigod! Sometimes eight words are all that are needed
• Our Gravest Fears as to Why 5M has not posted... I have a co-author credit on this, but it's really Aggie's work; her first try at illustration and it's a tour de force!
• What in the name of God is going on with Tom Cruise? When Aggie first posted this, I thought, what is up with this off-topic bit of celebrity trivia? But then it garners 11 comments on the metablog and turns out to be an early citing of one of the major pop culture topics of the early summer, with many relevent connections to the 5M, the metablog, our lives and of course, our new friend Francis Heaney

My favourite postings of Conch Shell:

• Where is my painted stick? With her long voyage to deep waters, Conchie has not been able to start many threads, yet she has been a strong presence in the comment section. Her first posting set the tone for the metablog and demonstrated the thoughtfulness and wisdom she brings to us

My favourite postings of Coyote:

• Happy Birthday! Coyote shows his almost psychic ability to understand 5M by clipping a horoscope that 5M missed in her own birthday posting
• Rage and fury, revisited... To a simple dwarf with pirate inclinations, a Coyote posting can strain the attention span, but in this posting Coyote keeps the attention of even the most ADHD among us as he delves into aspects of the 5M's personality that we'd all been avoiding.
• Disaster... An interesting dream analsyis
• Waidaminnit...! Coyote asks an important question about the poet and double standards
• M*ses, p*ets & the vortices of Brownian motion Coyote demonstrates why he is one of the ESIs top field operatives

My favourite postings of My Own:

• Between 4 and 6 Every one of my posts have been invaluable contributions to our efforts to understand the 5M and ourselves, so I'd have to list all of them. But if there is one that rises above the others it has to be the one that got the famous Francis Heaney to mention our metablog on his blog. (I have a secret hope that Minty finds it someday and puts the part that she inspired up on her fridge.)
• What Really Happened to the Kitties Okay, the above was true until this one. My expose of M's true evilness is my all-time favourite 4th Dwarf Posting.

A Farewell Cartoon to my Old Friend the Chair

Now that the Chair is gone, I figure it's all right for me to reveal he was a plaid recliner.

How to Spot the Rogue

• the messy hair;
• arrives late at meetings, draws pictures, colours them in, leaves early;
• carries unlicensed equipment;
• doesn't participate in the coffee fund; but
• has an excellent relationship with the receptionists and cleaning staff;
• socks might not match;
• moves his own computer, doesn't call IT;
• showers alone;
• looks good on a Vespa; and
• gets the job done.

End User Licence Agreement

So I was thinking of checking out the security software available from Rogers Yahoo.

Thought I should actually read the EULA first. Here's one of the things I'll be agreeing to if I click "I accept":

b. You represent and warrant that YOU WILL NOT:

vi. use the Yahoo! Software to operate nuclear facilities, life support or other medical equipment, manufacturing or construction equipment, weapons systems, aircraft or nautical navigation or communication systems, air traffic control systems, or for any other mission critical application where human life or property may be at risk. You understand that the Yahoo! Software is not designed for such purposes and that its failure in such cases could lead to death, personal injury, or severe property or environmental damage for which licensor is not responsible;

Of course, after going through this whole thing, it turned out they have no software I'd want badly enough to risk on my machine, even if I'm not operating a nuclear power plant.